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Just hours before I went into labor. 39 weeks, 3 days. November 24, 2010.
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Early labor.
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Late labor. Even my arms and hands were swollen!
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The final position. This is how I delivered!
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I wrote this in an email to my best friend and it is, by far, the best telling of the tale.
"I am still in a state of shock really (almost like an out of body experience) and feeling a bit like the walking wounded, but overall doing really well. I am still piecing together the events of the past few days, some are a little jumbled up and some things I am just like, "how the hell did that happen?" LOL
I had a doctor's appointment Wednesday morning. My BP was irregular and my feet were insanely huge, so James and I decided to allow Dr. Lee to insert a prostaglandin suppository to help ripen my cervix. I was to go back to the hospital around 7pm that night to have it removed and replaced with another one possibly. I was running late because the doctor said when I came back I should be prepared to be admitted so I was running around paying bills, doing laundry, washing dishes and just trying to be prepared. On the way to the hospital (between 7 and 7:30pm), I started having back pain, but I didn't really think anything of it since I had had back pain for most of the pregnancy. Anyway, I got there and Dr. Lee checked the suppository and said that it was not completely dissolved and I should stay around the hospital for three more hours and she would check it again (she was the on duty doctor that night). They put me in a labor and delivery room to wait it out. I remember trying to watch NCIS, but not being able to sit down long enough to relax. While I was there, I noticed that the back pain was getting worse and worse. It was so bad that I was crying for about two hours because I was frustrated and, well, it hurt! About 9:00, Dr. Lee finally agreed that it was back labor starting and I should go ahead and be admitted. So, I called James and had him bring everything to the hospital (he had been at work). He arrived about 10:30 and they put us in a very nice room on the obstetric floor. The back labor contractions were happening practically on top of the abdominal contractions, so it was really hard to time them. My water broke at 2:40am. I had been lying down briefly and something told me to get up. I sat up and actually felt a pop in my abdomen. I stood up and the fluid was everywhere! And, it just kept coming. Wow! I couldn't believe how much there was. It was just like what you see on TV or the movies. No lie. Luckily, none of it hit James as he was asleep on the floor. He got up and started cleaning up and helping me to clean myself up in the bathroom. After that, the contractions really intensified. I couldn't believe how fast and strong they were coming. I walked, bounced on my birthing ball, sat, breathed, you name it. I was begging James to let them give me an epidural as I hadn't had any sleep in 24 hours. Our doula showed up around 6 am. She was great with helping me with the back pain with pressure and heat. I didn't let them take me back to labor and delivery until 7am. At that time, we agreed that I would get an epidural just to get some relief and rest. It only worked for about 2 hours. I felt so good almost immediately. I could still walk too, but I was really high on adrenaline from the pain, so I couldn't rest. Korean epidurals are no where nearly as strong as those you get in the US. They gave me another epidural and our doula finally told me to shut up and get some sleep. LOL So, I had some pain relief from about 8am-11:30am. After that, the last epidural didn't work at all. The nurses would come in to check the baby and try to check my cervix, but many times it was really difficult because the contractions were right on top of each other. A good thing about that part was they would never mention what my status was. Finally, around 1pm I told the doula and James that I wanted to try to use the bathroom as I felt like I was so constipated (like a concrete missile was stuck up there). I thought if I could only use the toilet, I would feel so much better and the rest of the labor would ease up. Ha, was I wrong! I went to the bathroom and ended up starting to push with a contraction. I couldn't help it. So, James, the doula, and two nurses came to get me out of the bathroom. I tried lots of different positions using gravity to help the baby come down - mostly sitting on the edge of the bed, sitting on the birthing ball, and then standing. It was excruciating to lay on my back. The whole time the contractions were right on top of each other. James was helping me to focus and breathe through them and when I had the need to vocalize (i.e. yell) he helped me do it in a productive way so that I could still manage. Without him, I am not sure I would have relaxed between contractions. He would touch me and say, "Relax your {body part}." Interestingly enough, I had terrible acid reflux during late pregnancy and it carried over into labor. Every time I would belch (even in the middle of a contraction), I would stop and say, "I'm sorry. Excuse me!" James and Annette laughed every time and told me, "You are in labor. Stop apologizing!" Finally, we put the birthing ball on the bed and I leaned over it while standing beside the bed. . When I did that, the contractions at least doubled and came even faster. I remember James rubbing my back and arms and Annette (our doula) was holding my hand. The nurses heard me yelling (I think the whole hospital heard me, but who cares?), so they came in and tried to make me get in the bed to deliver. I told them very clearly in Korean that I was not getting in the bed at all. :-) Go me. haha. I gave birth to Brennan naturally in a standing position. She didn't cry and was very alert when she came out. No one told me to push. No pitocin, no IV, nothing that affected my thought processes. Granted, I tore quite a bit (didn't want an episiotomy) and have about three times the number of stitches that Dr. Lee usually does, but I didn't feel it at the time. James watched Brennan's birth and actually saw me tear and that freaked him out a bit. After Brennan came out, everyone helped me to turn around and sit down so I could hold her and attempt to breastfeed. She was so beautiful and warm against me. After a few minutes, James took her and I lay down on the table to get sewn back up. It took about an hour and was more painful than actually giving birth! They told me that the placenta was a little on the small side, so Dr. Lee did an internal sweep to make sure that nothing was left behind. Not fun. When they clamped the cord, they clamp didn't fully snap. So, at one point, it popped open and cord blood spewed everywhere: the floor, the wall, up the back of a nurse's leg. For some reason, I found it hilarious that the L and D room ended up looking like a set from Kill Bill. After I got sewn up, I was helped out of my gown and into a hospital gown. At this point, the pediatrician came in to check on Brennan (who was doing fabulously). I was also brought a meal. In labor and delivery. Spam and eggs. James helped feed me. It was then that I was able to call my mom and let her know the good news and James called his mom. After a little while, we got taken back to our room to settle back in. Thank goodness for my heating pad! What a lifesaver! The first time I looked at myself, I was very pale. I thought to myself, "Awesome. You did it. You are a mommy now." Something I had never heard before was how faint you get after giving birth. I nearly passed out after coming out of the bathroom! Luckily, James was there to catch me. He shadowed me every time I got out of the bed after that! I was able to shower and change clothes pretty shortly thereafter. James and I were in awe of this little being we had. Watching her in the bassinet, it was like there was an elephant in the room. Brennan and I cautiously worked on starting our breastfeeding relationship with some help from our doula and the staff. We received our first visitors that night - some of James's coworkers.
My ass hurts, my lady parts hurt, ribs hurt, my feet are incredibly swollen (even more so!), but I have a beautiful healthy little girl. I was in labor for a total of about 19 hours. It was insane. Most of it was back labor with just a little abdominal labor thrown in for good measure. I guess to make sure I was paying attention! I am so proud of myself that I managed to do most of it non-medicated. Still don't know how I managed that!
We are still working on the technicalities of breastfeeding, but we are slowly getting the hang of it. Brennan had a lot of amniotic fluid still in her, so she spit up a lot yesterday. She's a little jaundiced today because she hasn't wanted to eat with all the spitting up and stuff. Otherwise, doing great and is currently enjoying a movie with her daddy. :-)"
